Positive Parenting Book
Rudolf Dreikurs said, "A disobedient child is a discouraged child" and not without reason. Children usually tend to behave well, but seeing that their behavior is ignored (because sometimes we assume that they MUST behave as if they came into the world with the "rules incorporated") test other "methods" of behavior (inadequate or not allowed at home) that if they are successful, all eyes turn toward the child and he feels it is important. Dreikurs, while studying child behavior, noted that the behavior of the children were led by 4 goals, which he called "the wrong targets. " Is so named because the motivation is based on the mistaken belief of how they hope to achieve a sense of belonging and importance in their environment. For us to know what the goal that motivates the behavior of our son, we just have to look at the consequences, that is, what causes us and themselves, in other words, what gets to that behavior. Note: It is the desire of every child, have the attention of their loved ones. Usually seek attention appropriately, however if you feel that what does not work, then try to misbehave, which usually gives good results. The message is "I'm important only when I have your attention. " Power: The child seeks to feel important doing what he wants. Parents usually discuss with the child, he becomes provocative, parents lose control and fall into a struggle for power. In this case, the message is "I'm important only when I have the control, command or when I win. " Revenge: In this case, the child is hurt, resentful, displaced, it is not important. Through its vengeful behavior returns the damage that "believes" you have done. The message is "It hurts to not be important, so I hurt you. " Failure: The child who shows failure, passively responding or not responding to anything, it anticipates its failures and give up easily. Some children have the belief that they can not really do anything and others have realized that failure to demonstrate fail to attract the attention of parents. In both cases, the message is "only if I need your help, I will be important. " Jane Nelsen Positive Discipline in her book, advises us that when the goal of our son to be careful, try to distract them by engaging in a useful activity where we give the message "I love you so I spend significant time with you. " When the goal is power, avoid fighting and surrender, instead, be firm and gentle at the same time give a reasonable and limited options for him to choose and avoid power struggles. When the goal is Revenge, address the feelings of resentment and pain. Avoid punishment, instead, focus on solving problems involving the child by increasing their sense of belonging. And if the goal of our child is the failure, to encourage their independence through small tasks in increasing difficulty, avoiding overprotection that far from helping injured and violating their self-esteem. In all cases, remember it being kind and firm at the same time, the kindness is important for the mere fact of showing respect for our son, the firm is important as it shows respect for ourselves and because the situation itself merits . . . and in each act, give your child the message I care, the message that goes beyond words. "It helps to raise our children. Is different to how we raise and educate our children," Geraldine. "I recommend it because I think every parent will serve the shop because they can help to have many techniques used in education of their children ". . . .